For the Purpose of Externship

‘God forbid! I can never be defiled by that Dinner’ I said. ‘I propose in my heart like Daniel not to eat that king’s meal.’ ‘You must eat the compulsory meal,’ a voice sharply responded from within. ‘No’ i said. ‘That day is special to me, it’s my day alone with God every month and I don’t eat till the next day. See, nothing can come between me and God.’  ‘Hmm’ the voice said. ‘You better postpone it except you don’t want to be called to the Nigerian Bar.’

‘My call is certain’ I countered. ‘You know, you are a dreamer,’ the voice replied. ‘But Joseph kind of dreams’ I interjected. I immediately woke up having been dragged back to the land of the living; by noise from our neighbor’s rickety generator. ‘What!’ I shouted. I’m late, 8:59am and court sits by 9’oclock. My phone, my alarm what happened, aah village people, they will not succeed.’ i said. ‘Which village people’, my mummy interrupted, while walking into my room. ‘When you will not sleep till 5am and you want to wake by 6am. You be spirit. I intentionally refused to wake you and took your phone before you become insane in my house, I heard some people use to run mad in Law school.’ She came to my bed, held my hands and said. ‘Son, I want a healthy son more than I want a first class.’ ‘Always make sure you obtain sufficient sleep, even if not adequate.’ ‘Okay Mum, thanks. I will obey.’ I got prepared and rushed out. Within 30 minutes I was in the High Court of Justice. Immediately, I sighted lady justice, I remembered that I did not brush my teeth and comb my hair. ‘Aah what is this?’ ‘Well I am already in court’ I entered bowed and sat down, the court was already sitting.

‘Witness I put it to you that you took the said pot of soup.’ Counsel cross examining a witness.  ‘I put it back to you lawyer’ the witness retorted. ‘It is also true that you told John that the aroma of mama Adaobi’s soup is too enticing in this recession to let go.’ The witness kept quite. ‘Witnesses comport yourself and answer the questions’ the judge said. ‘My lord actually since mama Adaobi packed into our neighborhood she has been terrorizing and harassing our nose with unwarranted and unsolicited aroma of her dishes.’ Everyone in the court started laughing, including the judge. ‘Order!’ the registrar shouted.

I was still laughing when I discovered the Judge was keenly looking at us, the Externs in his court. ‘You lawyers from Nigerian Law School.’ all of us stood up. He pointed to Ikpe. ‘What is that, you are putting on?’’ Ikpe, looking at himself.  ‘My lord, which one?’ My lord pointed at his shirt. ‘My lord it is shirt.’ ‘Yes, what colour ?.’ My lord asked. ‘It is white my lord’ Ikpe replied. ‘But I am seeing blue.’ ‘Yes, my lord, your sight is good, it has blue attachments.’ ‘If you start now to wear white with blue attachment to court, what will you wear when you start practicing.’ the judge said.  ‘I wonder, my lord I wonder.’ Ikpe answered. ‘Leave my court.’ The judge ordered.’ ‘You are certainly not fit and proper’ my lord added. ‘This judge, self’ Ikpe said in a very rough tone while he packed his books and left. ‘I have warned Ikpe to stop taking that thing early in the morning.' i said. ‘Yes, about taking something, I took something too. It has been disturbing me that I need to go somewhere to relief myself. If you notice, I have been sweating profusely here, thinking on how to leave the court. In fact I can’t hold it again.’ Futta said, ‘immediately he stood up, bowed and about to leave.The judge stopped him and asked. ‘What did you just do?’ ‘My lord I bowed’ Futta replied ‘like seriously?’ You are expected to bend at your waist, not neck-bowing.’ Looking at Futta’s face, I knew he was begging to be released, how i wish the judge will free him. But the next thing I heard from the judge, brought me back from the world of imagination. ‘My friend, how can you put on a suit without socks? ‘You have to stand there till this court rise.’ 

FRANCIS